NPC: Psychic Advisor

[Psychic Advisor] Ah... Don't tell me! You've come to have your fortune told, yes? I know, I know... I can see the future! So what kind of fortune do you want?

1

Life!

[Psychic Advisor]

Available immediately

[Psychic Advisor]

2

Love!

Life...? Wow, that's a really broad category. But let me contact some spirits of the spirit world and I'll see what I can do.

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Life...? Wow, that's a really broad category. But let me contact some spirits of the spirit world and I'll see what I can do.
[Psychic Advisor] Hmmm... Alright, I got something. Ummmm, you will live to be very, very old. How old you ask?
[Psychic Advisor] ^333333*cough!*^000000ty-nine years old. Isn't that good news? That's a ripe old age, and you have plenty of blissful years left to enjoy.
[Psychic Advisor] Also, you'll always be successful. You'll successfully win in life and you'll successfully lose in life!
[Psychic Advisor] You might not understand that little nugget of wisdom now, but as you learn more about this crazy, crazy world, it will make more sense.

3

Money!

Hmm... What can I tell you about life? Let me contact the spirit world real quick~

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Hmm... What can I tell you about life? Let me contact the spirit world real quick~
[Psychic Advisor] Alright, I got it! Your dreams will come true!
[Psychic Advisor] Of course, I'm not sure exactly which dreams will come true, but hopefully the good dreams that you've had will become reality, rather than any of your weird nightmares.
[Psychic Advisor] Which dreams exactly? Well, the spirits are awfully reticent today. They're not exactly in the mood to talk. Spirits have lives too, you know. Wait, did that make any sense?

4

Grades!

I sense that you may be about to make a rash decision that you might regret. I must advise you to slow down and think first.

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I sense that you may be about to make a rash decision that you might regret. I must advise you to slow down and think first.
[Psychic Advisor] Although the pressure may be high, remember that any decision made in excitement is usually a bad decision. Take a deep breath and relax.
[Psychic Advisor] Even if you're running out of time, it's better to slowly plan things out so that you don't waste any of your efforts, or make costly mistakes.
[Psychic Advisor] Remember that calm, collected patience is the key to overcoming crisis.

5

Future!

Hmmm... I sense that you are experiencing a loss of direction in life. Should you prioritize security or happiness?

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Hmmm... I sense that you are experiencing a loss of direction in life. Should you prioritize security or happiness?
[Psychic Advisor] I suggest that you think fully and carefully before deciding what path is best for you. And remember, you can only learn from your mistakes.
[Psychic Advisor] If you plan carefully and perform positive, constructive actions with a good attitude, you can have it all!

6

Fashion!

Hmm... I sense that you've had a quarrel with someone close to you. Someone for whom you care for dearly.

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Hmm... I sense that you've had a quarrel with someone close to you. Someone for whom you care for dearly.
[Psychic Advisor] You must take the initiative! Try and resolve this matter without getting too caught up in your emotions.
[Psychic Advisor] Try to make amends, swallow your pride and apologize sincerely if you have to. Isn't friendship worth it? I think so.

[Psychic Advisor] Well, I hope I settled any doubts you've had about the future. That is, after all, my job as a professional psychic consultant. Come back anytime~

Dialogue ends here

[Psychic Advisor] You want to know your Love fortune? Oh ho~ Then there must be somebody that you like! Come on, you can tell me!

[Psychic Advisor] Oh right... Um, I sense a strong love energy emanating from your soul. It's quite intimidating and pushes away the weak and the spineless.

[Psychic Advisor] So basically, I foresee that you'll only be attracting really strong people soon. You know, like professional athletes, bodybuilders, construction workers, that sort of thing.

[Psychic Advisor] So if this is what you want, congratulations! Fortune smiles upon you with joy this day.

[Psychic Advisor] But if this is the opposite of what you want, well, I'm sorry. Fortune smiles upon you with sarcasm this day. But it's not too late to change destiny!

Looooove, eh? Let me contact the spirits for a second.

[Psychic Advisor] Ah! An old flame will return! I don't know if they'll fall in love with you again, ask you for money, or if that person's back for revenge...

[Psychic Advisor] But an old flame will definitely resurface in your life. Somehow. So if that's good news, congratulations! But, if that's bad news, then be careful!

Um... The girl that you The boy that you are currently seeing is perfect for you!

1

How did you know?

[Psychic Advisor] Well... We psychics are pretty accurate at this kind of thing. And it's so good to see that you're really happy with your...

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[Psychic Advisor] Well... We psychics are pretty accurate at this kind of thing. And it's so good to see that you're really happy with your partner!
Dialogue ends here

2

You're so wrong!

[Psychic Advisor] You didn't let me finish my sentence. What I meant to say was...

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[Psychic Advisor] You didn't let me finish my sentence. What I meant to say was...
[Psychic Advisor] The girl that you The boy that you are currently seeing is perfect for you if you want to live the rest of your life in utter misery!
[Psychic Advisor] But even if you break up, do it as soon as possible and try to be good friends after the matter.
[Psychic Advisor] It'll make better people out of both of you. But that's just what I think.
Dialogue ends here

3

I'm single!

[Psychic Advisor] Oh... Um, I'm sorry. Sometimes, I get the future and the present mixed up. You know, since I'm always looking into the fut...

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[Psychic Advisor] Oh... Um, I'm sorry. Sometimes, I get the future and the present mixed up. You know, since I'm always looking into the future...?
What I meant to say was ^3355FFyou and the perfect woman will soon fall in love^000000. Yes, that's what I meant!
[Psychic Advisor] What I meant to say was ^3355FFyou will soon be swept off your feet by the perfect guy^000000. Yes, that's what I meant!

Dialogue ends here

Looking for romance, eh? Life can always use a little more excitement.

[Psychic Advisor] That's strange, I foresee a Love Triangle in your future. No, wait! A Love... Decagon?

[Psychic Advisor] What's the shape with eleven sides? Now, you can't expect me to know that off the top of my head. I'm a psychic, not a mathematician!

[Psychic Advisor] Love is always fun! Even in this bleak world, love surrounds us in its inviting glow. Treasure that person who is special to you, and come back for another reading!

Dialogue ends here

[Psychic Advisor] Money? Well, you must be more fortunate in money than I am. After all, I sit here all day and give this service for free!

[Psychic Advisor] Well... Um, the spirits tell me that you might not win the lottery, no matter how many tickets you buy. I'm sorry, but it's true.

[Psychic Advisor] But I just saved you a lifetime's worth of lottery tickets! That could be quite a hefty sum of money!

Ah yes. Let me contact the spirit world. They usually have sound financial advice, despite the fact that don't have any sort of economy over there.

[Psychic Advisor] First off, be accountable for your own money and use a budget that works for you. A good rule of thumb? For every ten zeny you earn, put one zeny aside and either save it or invest it for later.

[Psychic Advisor] And whatever you do, don't work as a psychic advisor in Rune-Midgarts. The real cash, apparently, is in discovering new countries. Why didn't I do that?!

So you want to know about money, eh? Let me commune with the spirits of the supernatural realm...

[Psychic Advisor] Ah yes. They are telling me that it's best to be moderate in all things. Certainly, you must make sure that your expenditures don't exceed your budget.

[Psychic Advisor] However, you should also avoid gambling with your money. By that, I mean you should save and invest carefully. Don't be tempted into risky get-rich-quick schemes!

[Psychic Advisor] On the other hand, get-rich-not-as-quick schemes are okay, so long as you know what you are doing. I'm right, aren't I?

[Psychic Advisor] Well, you need money to live, but having money alone isn't living. Don't forget that there are other important things. And try not to stress out, okay?

Dialogue ends here

[Psychic Advisor] Your grades? You're still in school? I'm impressed! Your eyes tell me you are rather mature for your age. Alright, let me contact the spirits...

[Psychic Advisor] Hm? All the spirits said was 'Did you study?' Well, I guess I answered your question with yet another question!

You're asking me about your grades? That's weird. I mean, they only ask about your report card at school, right?

[Psychic Advisor] An education is really important, but don't be discouraged if your grades aren't as good as you'd like.

[Psychic Advisor] Perhaps your style of learning isn't really supported by your school, or maybe you're not that interested in academics. Understandable.

[Psychic Advisor] The spirits tell me that you should experiment with different learning styles, so that you can make sure that you get the grades that you want.

[Psychic Advisor] Yeah... The spirits are awfully lazy today.

^FF0000F MINUS^000000! Hahahahahahaha~!

[Psychic Advisor] Oh, I'm sorry, I just love doing that. Okay, let me ask the spirits for real this time. Hmmmm...

[Psychic Advisor] Hmm. The spirits are being awfully rude today. They're saying, 'If you're so worried about your grades, why don't you ask your teacher?'

[Psychic Advisor] Now that I think about it, they do have a point. Why don't you ask your teacher, professor or whatever to see if you have any problems?

[Psychic Advisor] I mean, they're being paid to help you. And well, my service is free. So... Yeah.

Oh cool! I sense that you will soon be receiving straight A's... In Effort!

[Psychic Advisor] Now, I couldn't tell you what your real grades are. You might be destined to get an A in every class or subject, but if I told you that...

[Psychic Advisor] You'd probably get cocky, slack off on studying, fail your classes and cause a time paradox. I mean, I have to actually be in the future to actually see it, you know?

[Psychic Advisor] Instead of worrying about time paradoxes, why don't you make your own destiny?

[Psychic Advisor] Well, in any case, concentrating on your studies is tough, but it can be rewarding. I hope you do well in whatever you choose to do~

Dialogue ends here

[Psychic Advisor] The future? I thought it was implied that any fortune I tell you is about the future in the specific field that you choose.

[Psychic Advisor] I guess you want to know about the future in general. Let me commune with the spirits, and we'll see what they have to say, okay?

[Psychic Advisor] Hmm... In the future, Sex, Violence, and Rock and Roll are completely abolished. Mankind experiences an era of complete peace and utter boredom.

[Psychic Advisor] I don't know how far in the future that will occur, but it better not happen soon!

In the future, Earth is protected by a single giant robot: Plutonium Overdrive Ignition Negatron G a.k.a POING.

[Psychic Advisor] POING fights off many Kylorian invasions for years, until it is finally defeated by Dr. Hubris' Mechanical Overlord: Nyxltron 47.

[Psychic Advisor] Luckily, Doctor Pyeus finishes the Gravitron Oblivion Drive for the Plutonium Overdrive Ignition Negatron G system just in time.

[Psychic Advisor] And so, POING rises again, reborn as the Automatic Hero: GOD-POING. Of course, Nyxltron 47 is destroyed.

[Psychic Advisor] That's probably the most important thing you'll ever learn about the future. Trust me, the rest of it's boring.

In the future, believe it or not, the internet will be replaced by a giant brain. I don't know how, but trust me, this brain's huge.

[Psychic Advisor] Thanks to the number of internet web journals, this brain becomes peaceful, and decides not to take over the world as it originally planned.

[Psychic Advisor] Yes... This weird brain thing definitely becomes a source for good, a loving benefactor to the human race, so long as people keep writing personal entries on the internet.

In the future, they genetically engineer all sorts of plants. So many kinds! It's crazy I tell you!

[Psychic Advisor] Eventually, they create trees that grow celebrity impersonators. Today, it looks like a miracle of science, and a threat to Hollywood starlets.

[Psychic Advisor] However, the people who buy these trees are the same kind who wear those really tacky shirts...

[Psychic Advisor] You know, the kind with a lame sense of humor where it will have the word 'Cat-o-strophic' and there's this little kitten dressed like a mad scientist or something.

[Psychic Advisor] Well... That's my prediction. Can you really argue with the wisdom of the spirit world?

Dialogue ends here

[Psychic Advisor] Fashion...? What does that have to do with matters of the supernatural? Well, um, let me contact the spirits. Ah! Here we go...

[Psychic Advisor] ...

[Psychic Advisor] ... ......

[Psychic Advisor] I'm seeing something... It looks like, a...

[Psychic Advisor] A... A... Fish? On someone's head?

[Psychic Advisor] ... It was the most horrible vision!

It feels nice to wear expensive headgears! And it's nice to wear fancy clothing too! But remember...

[Psychic Advisor] No matter how much zeny you may put into your wardrobe, you'll look silly unless you match the things you wear.

[Psychic Advisor] Now, here's a good example of a mismatched outfit. Imagine some Crusader wearing a Crown, Elven ears and an Iron Cain.

[Psychic Advisor] Instead of looking cool, they look sort of like an Evil Keebler Prince. Spooky, huh?

I predict... That Cowboy Hats will be very popular among female Super Novices very soon!

[Psychic Advisor] Come on, wouldn't you agree? Cowboy Hats look great on Super Novices!

Sometimes, it's a cute idea to follow a theme. Like, if you wear both Angel Wing and Angel Wing Ears at the same time.

[Psychic Advisor] Of course, that might be too expensive for most people, but you get the idea.

I now predict that the Sombrero will be come very popular when a mass group of Bards form a guild in which the members only wear Sombreros.

[Psychic Advisor] Or was it the Feathered Bonnet that's supposed to skyrocket in popularity? Both of those hats are just sooo stylish, especially on Bards...

[Psychic Advisor] Well... We psychic consultants aren't really trained for fashion matters, but I hope I was at least a little bit of help to you.

Dialogue ends here

Psychic Advisor

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